It was yesterday Thursday, August 10, when I saw mom tried calling me on my phone at work. I rang her up and she said… do you wanna know the gender?
I mean, how could i not smile and consider myself thrice blessed? Sawyer.. people will say it’s a boy’s name. but i really think it is BAD ASS! no one else can rock a name like Sawyer quite like you can babe.
So im guessing you wanna hear a story right? okay here goes.
It started with a birthday wish. yes babe, i wished for you. when we were able to confirm that you were on the way I was literally smiling from ear to ear. kuya Rohan it seems, also felt that you were coming. instead of sleeping in his own bed like he did from the day he was born, he started wanting to sleep with mom and dad and you. one family on one bed. he would rub mom’s belly, kiss it and say, I love you baby! goodnight!
Baby girl, I cant put to words how i am feeling right now. I cannot wait to meet you, to hold you, to love you. we will have lots of wonderful memories to make and i promise you i will fall in love with you over and over and over again every day. I wished for you on my birthday, and you will be arriving 3 days before my next birthday, isnt the universe amazing, babe?
Kuya Rohan, mama and myself will be excitedy awaiting your arrival. life has never been better love.
So today daddy is on his laptop watching gamefilm preparing for a double weekend. we lost our first game by a heartbreaking 2 points last week so we need to bounce back. but thats not the biggest news of the day. you wanna know what is? This.
We finally got to see you. well, something akin to clay being molded and all that, but there’s no mistaking that beautiful face; even as it looks irritated as heck. hahaha
kinda made me think though, what kind of dad would i be to a little girl i would want to protect all her life? to be honest babe, im petrified. but i look around me, i see your mom, so strong and confident, i see your aunties who have all carved their own niches in this world deeper than most , your grand mother and grand aunts who have been the paragon of achieving through their own strengths, and i think to myself; i will always have these strong women around me to help guide you in everything you do. dont take it the wrong way sawyer, im your dad; i will always worry. my mind will always work that way i guess. but somehow, i know definitely, you will be fine. no matter what life throws at us, we will be okay. i met you today, and tears were streaming down my face. i cannot wait to hold you. i cannot wait to watch you be the person you were meant to be. to sing you songs to put you to sleep will be bliss. to give you your milk in the dead of the night will be something i look forward to. to watch you grow and blossom, is my own personal victory. Sawyer, Daddy loves you. i cannot wait. january cannot come fast enough.
A lot has happened since I last wrote you a letter. right now you are around 2.5 kgs in your mom’s belly and very very active! we laugh every time we see you push and wiggle and kick and stretch while mom’s belly reflects your movements. Kuya Rohan has been doing well as well, always giving you kisses and saying how much he loves you, nowadays he has also included singing to you every night as part of his daily routine, his favorite song for you is twinkle twinkle little star by the way, maybe he can learn more new songs for you when you are born.
Mom has also set aside her bag of clothes already this early, we’re not gonna see you until another 6 weeks or so but wow, the way you keep moving around, your mom thinks you might be angling for an early entry. for now my little princess, relax. we cannot wait to meet you, that’s for sure but its best that you go the full term, ok? Your mom has been doing all she can to make sure you are always healthy,
Sawyer, i wont lie to you, this world has changed. A lot of nights i lie awake and unable to sleep worrying about the world we are bringing our kids in to. but for all the ugly parts, we will always be here for you and kuya Rohan, to make life beautiful. i promise you love, I won’t ever stop doing everything i can to make sure that our little family will always be our happy place.
i love you
Today is the 24th of December. it is cold and chilly outside, mama is playing christmas songs, i can hear Kuya Rohan giggling and playing with his toy truck and wonderful smells are wafting out of the kitchen.
Presents are under the tree, and of course yours is there too. kuya Rohan has been wanting to open his gifts already but has been able to control himself.
earlier this week mom’s doctor said it could be possible that you’ll be arriving earlier than expected. hahaha i see someone is excited to meet us as well. even kuya Rohan looked at mommy’s tummy and said, sawyer has to come out, she’s so big! but Sawyer, you need as many more days inside mama’s tummy before you come to develop further. we will have lots of hugs and kisses for you soon enough.
Im sitting here now staring at the screen overwhelmed with emotion, forgive me for being a little mushy, kid. parenthood does that. We just rang up your grandmas Jane and Brenn, they cant wait to see you also when they come in June.
keep growing, keep kicking and letting us know you’re ok, and when the time is right, we’ll be here to welcome you into the world my little one.
January 1 2018
Well, first off, happy new year kiddo! We all celebrated the coming new year with tita annalisa and tito Enteng and ninang Diane and of course Ate Olivia.
It was a really great evening baby girl. We got to talking about the stereotyping of little girls, and I couldnt agree more. see, a week ago mom and I went shopping for your clothes, and literally, everything was in pink!! no offense about the color, but what disguted us the most was the thought that was prevalent, that girls need to wear pink. fuck no!! oops, sorry, beer, wine and whiskey. but going back, i wanted to get you something in a different color other than pink, and like seriously, since when was it decreed that little girls cant have animals or toy cars as designs on their clothes?
i really hate it. I went to the “boy section” and picked out different colors and designs i know you would look nice in. see, i dont care what the world thinks, im not about to pigeon hole my lil girl into a world of pink, just coz thatswhat the world thinks girls should wear. fuck the world!
oopss, again… papa being overly exuberant.
but anyway, i wont apologize for my views, in my opinion, women can be anyone and anything they wanna be, fuck whatever paternalistic thinking the rest of the world has.
imma be right by your side lil one.like your kuya Rohan, my shoulders will be where you can stand on as you reach for the stars in your galaxy. imma be right here. i love you.
I caught your mama yesterday, basking in the fading winter sunlight rubbing you while playing the tune from your dragon. By the way, kuya rohan chose it for you, lil man is pretty much as excited as we are to see you hold you and laugh with you.
Mama’s doctor scheduled an early c section on the 18th so right now it will be just a short week til you are in our arms. You know what? You are one very mischievious baby! Always turning around and arou, kicking and playing with mama even late at night. Of course it doesnt hurt that kuya rohan, messi and papa all snore up a storm so poor mama has to move to the other room sometimes to get a peaceful night’s rest.
She however, looks so beautiful doesnt she? No amount of sleeplessness, will ever make her lose her smile. She is indeed our small family’s super hero. I cant contain my excitement in finally getting to hold my lil girl in my arms! Im probably going to gush like a geyser. I look forward to all those hours of staying up and feeding you, changing your nappies, singing to you, cuddling you… oh lord.. i cant wait!!!
But i need you to be the patient one for the both of us okay? No eqrly surprises like your kuya rohan who decided to come out a month early.😂 we’ll be here love.
So….. it appears that fate really wants you to come early. Yesterday mama was told her operation would be a day earlier. So today kuya Rohan and myself brought her to the hospital to prepare for your arrival.
This week is really jampacked. Kuya Rohan has been feverish for 3 days and im hoping it will break tomorrow. If not ninang Jovy wll come by to watch over him while i go sit beside mama to welcome you to the world.
Tomorrow papa also has a game we need to win.. and another game on saturday, the team and the board have been very gracious saying its ok to miss out and that i should be with you and mama.. but hopefully i can leave for just a couple of hours to be with them to. Maybe get a win for your birthday too.
Your second name has also been decided. Mama and I chose Danielle, after your tita Thea. You’ll love her, as well as all your other titas and titos. I hear she’s pretty stoked about it. I think it fits you perfectly. I bet she’s already ready to tell you how awesome capricorns are.
Sawyer Danielle Baguilat Tolentino, i am counting the hours. I will see you soon love.
And now you’re here.
Our party of four is about to start.